Friday, December 28, 2007

vindication

a friend once told me that it's a trick to find the appropriate place to vent and to vent in an appropriate manner. i had such an opportunity today.

as i was walking down the 6 flights of stairs to the basement doing laundry cuz someone had held open the elevator due to moving i was annoyed. i held up the elevator to move, too; and i don't mind people using the elevator in this manner when they are actively moving. what i *do* mind is when they aren't there, haven't been there in some time and the elevator is blocked.

on my way up after switching laundry from washer/dryer i passed an elderly woman on the 4th floor asking me about the elevator being out of order. i informed her of the move situation...

as luck would have it, i was short one quarter and had to traverse the stairs an additional time. that's when the guy who had left both his clothes in the dryer and blocked the elevator comes down. i witnessed him apologizing to said elderly woman saying he's moving and telling her that there's nothing he could do.

then he proceeds to tell me, "i wasn't done yet with the dryer".

and here was my appropriate moment to vent.

my reply, "it's a shared resource. you weren't using it. you were merely blocking it. just like the elevator up stairs."

he said, "it's not your concern. stay out of things that don't concern you."

me. "it doesn't concern me? i've been walking up and down six flights of stairs three times now while you block the elevator. i did laundry around you in the dryer. i'd say it concerns me."

him, "there's nothing i can do."

me, "there IS something you can do. plan better. you got the elevator blocked while you're doing laundry. i moved in here and somehow managed to not hold up the elevator as long as you're doing. you're blocking two shared resources, not just one."

him, "you're an as*hole."

me, "but i'm not selfish. you're selfish. you got an elderly woman schlepping four flights of stairs. there's handicapped people living on the second floor who i hope don't come home. and i'm walking up and down six flights of stairs. you're selfish."

him. speechless.

i was shaking when i got home, just from the angst of a confrontation making me nervous. i hate confrontation, even when i'm in the right... i just hate it. it's not that i was yelling... i wasn't. i have a hard time saying something unpleasant to someone, even politely, even knowing i'm right. i don't like saying things unpleasant.

but i'm glad that for once i had the opportunity to enlighten a selfish person about the impact of their behaviour on other human beings.

martin luther king, jr talked about the opposite of self-centered being other-centered behaviour.

as this world becomes more and more densely packed this concept is vital. other-centeredness.

we should all aspire to conduct our affairs in such a manner that it doesn't impact other people. this applies to (but is not limited to):

  • walking on the sidewalk making room for people to pass us from both behind and in front of us,


  • not blocking a street,


  • not blocking the only entrance/exit to a restaurant.


  • start to finish. we should always aspire to conduct our affairs to not inconvenience others. this is basic human consideration. it's not ALL about us!

    if we could all achieve this, the world would be a much, much, much better place.

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